What to ask your fiance before you get married. The advice and counseling you won't hear from your church or parents.

    There's tons of advice out there about pre-marriage counseling… about money, living arrangements, religion, fidelity. But there are lots of other "little" matters that are also important for two people ready to tie the knot… little issues that can blindside you and turn into big problems.

    So, here's what you need to discuss… and what you really need to be honest about.

    Holidays

    Whose family do you go to?

    Or, which holidays do you spend with which family?

    Also, how important are birthdays? Here's the real test: Were birthdays a big deal when you were growing up or when your fiancé was growing up? If he/she didn't really grow up with much of a tradition regarding birthdays, chances are that after several years, you may not be getting a birthday gift （or much beyond a card）.

    Your birthday may even be completely forgotten. You can't necessarily change a person from how they were raised, but you can let him/her know birthdays are important to you, that you expect gifts. You can also offer to help, by letting him/her know that you'll remind them of when your birthday is coming up.

    Children

    How many do you want?

    When do you want to start having children?

    Let me tell you a little story: My friend got married, with her agreeing to his wish of having kids within 2 years. However, she really wasn't sure she wanted children, or if she did not that soon. She agreed to her fiancé's wishes because she wanted to appease him, and thought maybe she'd change her mind.

    That was 9 years ago. They still do not have children. So, do not force him/her into agreeing with you on this matter, nor let yourself agree with something you don't believe for the sake of keeping the peace…and hoping you'll feel differently about it later.

    Work/Relocation

    Women, if HE finds work out of city/state/country （or gets relocated）, are you willing to move?

    Men, if SHE finds work out of city/state/country （or gets relocated）, are you willing to move?

    Okay, so let's talk a little about work ethic. If work is a bit hectic, do you still keep within your 40-hour work-week or do you stay late to get things done? What about your soon-to-be-spouse? If one of you has dinner ready at 6pm （or is expecting dinner to be ready）, will that person be okay with a spouse staying late at work? You may not be able to agree on this issue, but going in eyes wide open, you can prevent a lot of late-night fights.

    走進結婚禮堂之前，你應該問你的未婚夫那些問題呢？下面這些的建議和忠告，你是不會從教堂和父母那里得到的。

    關于婚前忠告，這兒有非常多的建議想要告訴你……關于金錢、生活方式、宗教信仰、忠實度等等。還有很多的其他"小問題",他們對兩個準備走在一起的人來說同樣是十分重要的，小問題容易蒙蔽你的雙眼，并轉變成大問題。

    于是，這些就是你需要去討論的……或者一些你需要去坦白的。

    假期

    你想去哪一方的家庭度假？

    或者，你在什么節日想去哪一方的家庭度假？

    同樣，關于彼此生日的重要性的問題。這是一次真正的考驗：當你已經長大或者你的未婚夫已經長大，生日還是不是一項重要的事情？如果他或者她并沒有在傳統的生日觀念中真正長大，那么幾年后，你可能一件生日禮物也收不到（最大一張生日賀卡）.

    你的生日可能會被徹底忘記。你不用必須地去改變一個人的成長環境，但是你可以讓他或者她知道，生日對你來說是多么的重要，你想要一份生日禮物�；蛘弋斈闵�日快來臨的時候，你可以暗示他們一下，以幫助他們記起。

    孩子

    你想要幾個孩子？

    你想什么時候要孩子？

    讓我來告訴你一個小故事：我的朋友結婚了，她同意了他想在兩年內生小孩的愿望。然而，她不確定她是不是真的想要小孩，或者可能她并不想要。她會同意是因為她是想要安慰他，想著或許她可能會改變主意。

    這件事發生在9年前。他們現在仍然沒有孩子。因而，不要這件事情上強迫她或者他同意你的想法，或者讓你自己去同意你原本不愿意的一些事情，只為謀求一種平靜的生活……或者你想將來對待這件事或許會有不同的想法。

    工作/工作調職

    女人：如果他找到一份在別的城市/州/國家的工作（或者得到調職）,你愿意陪他一起搬家嗎？

    男人：如果她找到一份在別的城市/州/國家的工作（或者得到調職）,你愿意陪她一起搬家嗎？

    現在，讓我們來探討一下關于職業道德的問題。如果你工作有一點棘手，你是不是仍然堅持一周工作40個小時，還是繼續工作直到結束？你未來的伴侶呢？如果你們當中一方準備在晚上6點開飯（或者準備在6點開飯）,那么有時間的一方要等還在繼續加班另一方一起吃晚餐嗎？你可能會不同意這個觀點，但是請放寬你的心胸，這樣你可以避免很多深夜爭吵。